Wednesday, October 31, 2007

The Halloween grime edition

It's Halloween, the day that spoilt little brats go out and ask for more sweets and treats packed full of enough sugar and E numbers to confuse their mind state into thinking its fireworks night. They throw around fireworks like its peanuts, just as I'm typing this 5 boys are standing outside my flat throwing fireworks into my local shop. E numbers! Now as it is Halloween, where people seem to dress up in fancy dress I thought why not use that is a stupid excuse to mess about with my long over due photoshop skills. So if you're popping out tonight and haven't got a clue of what to dress up as, eyy become an emcee.

Now many who don't know better would chuck on a New Era hat, a baggy tracksuit and a fake chain and think the look would be complete. However here at HYPERFRANK (not that this is a place/brand, but hey just go with me in this) we understand that being/acting like an emcee takes more than the obvious especially if you want to dress up like a specific artist. Now I could be boring and list the trademarks of every emcee but instead let me report to you what other artists have told me they are doing for their own fancy dress parties.


FATJMENARSTIE

I caught up with Big Narstie who says he loves JME, he's even taking on his style. Tracksuit bottoms/ Jeans with Boy Better Know top. Now let this be a lesson to everyone including you Mr Narstie, make sure the Tshirt fits you. If you're a 2XXL get a 3XXL, rather than Narstie being a 3XXL and wearing XS. Another thing is the puffs, JME seems to get away with it but with Narstie with the huge pub/chicken burger belly is like walking into a cupboard and finding a huge pink elephant playing musical chairs with a peacock, it's just too much eye candy. We all know he can't fit on a bmx, because it's impossible to eat while riding however it's clear the mobility scooter was a better option. The durag is an also possibility although this takes extensive dedication as some people (I myself included although will never admit to wearing one) look like total idiots.

logansov

I found Logan's diary in a pile of chicken boxes outside my flat, he was possibly taking a walk with Narstie and found that he not only enjoys dressing up as a mannequin but also his favourite mc, Lady Sovereign. Apparently while popping on tunes on Monday nights he secretly listens to Public Warning to block out all of that hiphop I mean grime he plays. Now the Sovereign look is established in several simple steps. 1) Think drag queen make up. 2) Sizing of tracksuit is eagerly the opposite of Mc Narstie's tshirt sizing. 3) Side pony is compulsory! Anyone willing to successfully complete this look (lord why would you!?). While accessing the right destination for side pony make sure hair is fully greased up with Wilkinsons economy gel and damn you better grease them hair follicles up b*tch till someone slaps you in the face and says "OHHH DEAR HIGH TOPS YOU ARE ONE SLICK-A-DI-SLICK-A-MONEY-D*CK". The angle of the SP (Keyword unless the MI5 are listening in -side pony) should be parallel to your eyebrows and 90 degrees from the rear of your head. Make sure a Sovereign ring or necklace is attached to your body throughout otherwise people might actually think you're some any crack head pushing a trolley.

Ghettsallgrimemcs

Now Ghetto likes to spice things up a bit, he didn't want to just go as one artist. He thought I'll bring as many people as possible. 1) Durag - JME ("If someone touches my durag, I'll tap you on the back you old chap"or something) 2) Glasses - Lethal B (See Prancehall) 3) Earings - Bashy (Them earrings really get on my ear tips, huge B's hanging off of your ear's why!?) 4) Chain - Tinchy Stryder is reliable to turn up regularly wearing jewellery from the Woman's department of Topshop even more than my friend, who can't be named for frightened reasons, stick to your side of the topman. 5) Unique (Big H's hair) - No Comment. 6) Smack DVD - Scorcher, don't get hypnotised Scorch come back to grime. 7) Crack pipe - Wiley - It makes you do stupid things doesn't it will - I hear you enjoy dressing up but not just on special occasions. 8) Baseball Bat - Tempa T - It's not a D*ckhead ting but where's your mixtape?

4 comments:

  1. lmfao ahahahahahaha this post is jokes...

    ReplyDelete

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I'm tired of them rap neeks walking round in their akademik suits, Yankee hats with the flat peeks.
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